Chapter 21: In Which Varney Clearly Should Have Been a Comedy

Previously in Varney the Vampire: Varney makes Flora an offer she can't refuse.

The first half of Chapter 21 (THE CONFERENCE BETWEEN THE UNCLE AND NEPHEW, AND THE ALARM.) is, without a doubt, the best scene JMR has written so far in Varney the Vampire. It consists entirely of tagless dialogue between Charles and the Admiral, and every moment of it is hilarious.

Say what you will about JMR's dramatic writing (Lord knows I do), but he has a great sense of comedic dialogue and timing. The pacing is lightning-fast and I could actually hear the conversation play out in my head, which almost never happens when I'm reading. I had trouble picking out just one part to quote, but you can read it all yourself here.

But then Charles hears Flora's scream from the end of the last chapter, and the pacing slows abruptly as we return to drama (with just a few more comedic interjections from the Admiral). Charles vows to defend her, but she begs the men to just give up the Bannerworth house so that Varney will leave them alone. Rather than listening to Flora outright, of course, they decide to hold a council to decide what must be done.

Only the last line of the chapter really jumped out at me:

George had gone to call on Mr. Chillingworth, so he was not present at the first part of this serious council of war.

Since JMR seems to gradually forget that George exists throughout the course of the story, that line just seems like a random afterthought to me. Like he needed one more sentence to meet his word count and suddenly remembered that he'd forgotten George. As a reader, I honestly don't care what happened to George. His character was never distinct enough to make an impression on me.

Chapter 22: In Which a Convenient Obstacle Appears

Chapter 20: In Which Varney Makes a More Threatening Offer than Last Time

Previously in Varney the Vampire: JMR got tired of the story and wrote something else instead.

I've mentioned the problematic portrayal of Flora before. Even though it's practically progressive for the time in a number of ways -- such as Flora having enough agency to attack the vampire herself -- the story is still framed around the men. The problems the vampire causes are problems because they hurt the men, and Flora, despite being the victim of the attacks, is too weak and female to worry her pretty head about it or to be informed about what's going on.

Chapter 20 (THE DREADFUL MISTAKE. -- THE TERRIFIC INTERVIEW IN THE CHAMBER. -- THE ATTACK OF THE VAMPYRE) is another one of those mixed, positive-yet-problematic portrayals of Flora. It begins with Flora, having finished reading the story from Chapter 19, hearing a knock at the door.

First we have an awkward paragraph justifying why Flora isn't nervous about answering the door as she was when Henry arrived last time, which is foreshadowing in the same way that bashing someone over the head with a large vase is a nice subtle way to get their attention. Obviously, she opens the door and it's not Henry, but the vampire!

He had drawn up his tall, gaunt frame to its full height, and crossed his arms upon his breast; there was a hideous smile upon his sallow countenance, and his voice was deep and sepulchral, as he said, --

"Flora Bannerworth, hear that which I have to say, and hear it calmly. You need have nothing to fear. Make an alarm -- scream, or shout for help, and, by the hell beneath us, you are lost!"

There was a death-like, cold, passionless manner about the utterance of these words, as if they were spoken mechanically, and came from no human lips.

I just love that introduction. "Don't be afraid, and I'll kill you if you scream!" I think it sums up the essential conflict in Varney -- and any character of a vampire wanting to be human, really -- which is the struggle between wanting others to treat one as an ordinary human, but not wanting to give up the power and danger that comes with being a vampire.

This chapter is great for showing us more of Varney's character. While his dialogue has been mostly laconic during his previous appearances, here he really opens up to Flora, even implying that he loves her:

"Charles Holland loves me truly."

"It does not suit me now to dispute that point with you. I have the means of knowing more of the secrets of the human heart than common men. I tell you, Flora Bannerworth, that he who talks to you of love, loves you not but with the fleeting fancy of a boy; and there is one who hides deep in his heart a world of passion, one who has never spoken to you of love, and yet who loves you with a love as afar surpassing the evanescent fancy of this boy Holland, as does the mighty ocean the most placid lake that ever basked in idleness beneath a summer's sun."

There was a wonderful fascination in the manner now of Varney. His voice sounded like music itself. His words flowed from his tongue, each gently and properly accented, with all the charm of eloquence.

But I said I was going to talk about Flora. Basically, Varney explains to her that he wants the Bannerworth house, and offers not to kill Charles or Henry, nor attack her anymore, if she convinces Henry to sell him the house.

The fact that Flora is finally in charge of her own fate is what jumped out at me. The choice Varney gives her is coerced, not free or good -- but while Flora's brothers tried to hide the reality of her attack from her, Varney gives her what she needs to protect herself from him. In a way, he treats her more respectfully, more as an equal, than any of the human men we've encountered in the story so far.

Of course, Flora falls right back into negative feminine stereotypes at the end of the chapter, screaming and fainting with little provocation because That's What Women Do. But for a moment there, things were getting very interesting.

Chapter 21: In Which Varney Clearly Should Have Been a Comedy

Chapter 19: In Which JMR Writes His Own Digressions

Previously in Varney the Vampire: The Admiral arrives, and Charles angsts some more.

Clearly even penny dreadful writers get writers' block, because JMR decided to take Chapter 19 (FLORA IN HER CHAMBER. -- HER FEARS. -- THE MANUSCRIPT. -- AN ADVENTURE) off and write a short story, "Hugo de Verole; or, the Double Plot," instead. The chapter begins with Henry visiting Flora, Flora angsting over the arrival of the admiral, and then Flora randomly sitting down to read this story.

I don't really have much to say about this story, although that might just be because I have a headache. It's very dialogue-heavy in the beginning, but later falls into that 19th-century writing style I particularly dislike, where the narration feels more like the summary of a longer, better story than a short story in its own right. For example:

By a strange coincidence, the doctor and the young count became companions, and the former, meditating projects of revenge, educated the young count as well as he was able for several years in the mines, and cherished in the young man a spirit of revenge. They finally escaped together, and proceeded to Leyden, where the doctor had friends, and where he placed his pupil at the university, and thus made him a most efficient means of revenge, because the education of the count gave him a means of appreciating the splendour and rank he had been deprived of. He, therefore, determined to remain at Leyden until he was of age, and then apply to his father's friends, and then to his sovereign, to dispossess and punish them both for their double crimes.

But don't take my word for it; you can read it for yourselves, even if you haven't been following along with the plot of Varney the Vampire. If I weren't blogging about Varney, I would have just skipped the chapter entirely and moved ahead to Flora's next exciting encounter with the vampire in Chapter 20.

Chapter 20: In Which Varney Makes a More Threatening Offer than Last Time

Chapter 18: In Which the Admiral Becomes the Most Interesting Character in the Book

Previously in Varney the Vampire: Our Heroes try to make Varney blow his cover and only succeed in making him angry.

I honestly cannot believe I am only on Chapter 18. I had to go over my old entries yesterday to make sure I didn't accidentally misnumber something or skip a chapter. I feel like so much has happened in eighteen chapters and yet, paradoxically, many of those events have been stretched out to the point of tedium. I haven't been skipping ahead too much, because I want to keep my reactions genuine and relevant to the particular chapters, but I've skipped ahead enough to know that the Bannerworths' story goes on for nearly a hundred more chapters. How on Earth is this nonsense sustainable?

Anway, Chapter 18 (THE ADMIRAL'S ADVICE. -- THE CHALLENGE TO THE VAMPYRE. -- THE NEW SERVANT AT THE HALL.), we return to the character of the Admiral, who was first introduced in Chapter 15 and whom I rather liked. The bell rings, and George has to answer it himself due to the servants being too afraid to stay in a house with a vampire.

"And who the d----l are you?" cried one who was immediately outside.

"Who do you want?" cried George.

"Shiver my timbers!" cried Admiral Bell, for it was no other than that personage. "What's that to you?"

"Ay, ay," added Jack, "answer that if you can, you shore-going-looking swab."

Okay, I laughed. Whatever the literary equivalent of chewing the scenery is, the Admiral fits the description -- but I like it. I'm actually inspired to keep reading just to figure out what the hell a character like this is doing in a vampire novel. And then this:

"Come along, then; yet, stop a bit. I say, young fellow, just before we go any further, tell us if he has maimed the vampyre?"

"The what?"

"The wamphigher," said Jack, by way of being, as he considered, a little more explanatory than the admiral.

It's a relief to have something to laugh at that's intentionally funny, not just bad, and JMR really does write the character interaction between the Admiral and Jack quite well so far.

So George takes the Admiral to see Charles. A bit of expository dialogue ensues as they walk, reminding the audience of what happened in Chapter 15: the Admiral doesn't want Charles to marry Flora. So the Admiral confronts Charles, who asks for a chance to make his case.

We then get some more backstory: it seems that Charles came into a fortune, but the Admiral is his trustee until he reaches 21; or, as JMR puts it:

A considerable sum of money had been left to him, but it was saddled with the condition that he should not come into possession of it until he was one year beyond the age which is usually denominated that of discretion, namely, twenty-one.

Really, JMR? Was your chapter really twelve words too short?

But not to nitpick too long (although isn't that the entire premise of this blog?). The rest of the chapter is pretty much just more of the same: Charles considers his backstory carefully, briefly consults with Henry and then goes off to tell his uncle what's going on. Meanwhile, Henry goes off to see Flora, whom we encounter again in the next chapter.

Chapter 19: In Which JMR Writes His Own Digressions

Chapter 17: In Which Varney Never Drinks... Vine

Previously in Varney the Vampire: Charles and Flora are overcome by obvious symbolism.

The whole of Varney the Vampire is so bad that it's often hard to tell, when I come across a well-written and effective scene, whether JMR happened to churn out the chapter on a good day, or whether he just accidentally stumbled upon it. The opening to Chapter 17 (THE EXPLANATION. -- THE ARRIVAL OF THE ADMIRAL AT THE HOUSE. -- A SCENE OF CONFUSION, AND SOME OF ITS RESULTS.) is, I believe, one of those accidents, simply because the style that works so well in the chapter's opening becomes tedious -- even comical -- as the chapter wears on.

The previous chapter ended with Flora crying out: "The vampyre! the vampyre!" Varney, who has appeared in the garden, smoothly apologizes for intruding and introduces himself. George, Henry, and Marchdale arrive shortly, having heard Flora's cries. Flora remains in a state of shock, begging Charles to protect her.

"Take me away," whispered Flora. "'Tis he -- 'tis he. Oh, take me away, Charles."
"Hush, Flora, hush. You are in some error; the accidental resemblance should not make us be rude to this gentleman."
"The vampyre! -- it is the vampyre!"
"Are you sure, Flora?"
"Do I know your features -- my own -- my brother's? Do not ask me to doubt -- I cannot. I am quite sure. Take me from his hideous presence, Charles."
"The young lady, I fear, is very much indisposed," remarked Sir Francis Varney, in a sympathetic tone of voice. "If she will take my arm, I shall esteem it a great honour."

"No -- no -- no! -- God! no," cried Flora.
"Madam, I will not press you."
He bowed, and Charles led Flora from the summer-house towards the hall.

Varney's behavior is just so delightfully and subtly creepy, just as in his first appearance. He seems almost detached from the rest of the scene.

So Charles leads Flora away and seems to immediately forget that Varney is the vampire, since Flora's repetition of that fact (presumably for the sake of an audience that can't handle even the faintest semblance of subtlety) is met with a surprised exclamation of "Good God!"

The characters also seem to forget that Henry practically accused Varney of being the vampire last time the two met -- perhaps a bit more understandable, since it happened several chapters ago -- so we have to go through the same thing all over again, except more tediously, once Charles leaves Flora with her mother and rejoins the others.

As the (intentionally) awkward and forced conversation goes on, Our Heroes seem to think they can trick Varney into admitting that he's a vampire with such questions as "May I ask how long ago [your childhood] was?" and this (unintentionally) comical scene where they see if he'll drink wine:

"Gentlemen all," said Sir Francis Varney, in such soft, dulcet tones, that it was quite a fascination to hear him speak; "gentlemen all, being as I am, much delighted with your company, do not accuse me of presumption, if I drink now, poor drinker that I am, to our future merry meetings."
He raised the wine to his lips, and seemed to drink, after which he replaced the glass upon the table.
Charles glanced at it, it was still full.
"You have not drank, Sir Francis Varney," he said.
"Pardon me, enthusiastic young sir," said Varney, "perhaps you will have the liberality to allow me to take my wine how I please and when I please."
"Your glass is full."
"Well, sir?"
"Will you drink it?"

I suppose this is supposed to illustrate a minor triumph of Our Heroes, but it only makes me think of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch.

Varney pulls the reader back into the creepiness of the moment -- something he's been generally good at, so far -- by replying: "If the fair Flora Bannerworth would grace the board with her sweet presence, methinks I could then drink on, on, on." Here, we don't need any melodramatic declarations of emotion or descriptions of Varney's facial expression or tone of voice -- the dialogue gives us everything we need.

That doesn't solve the overarching problem with the scene, however -- or, for that matter, with Our Heroes' actions in general. Why are they so eager to show Varney that they know he's a vampire? The guy has survived bullets and who knows what else. Do they really think it's that easy to make him say with a shrug, "Oh, hey, you caught me; I'm not drinking my wine. Guess that makes me a vampire!"

Seems like he'd be more likely, if he admits anything, to give a creepy half-smirk, followed by, "So, you've discovered my secret. For that, you must die."

But unfortunately, Our Heroes must live on, so Varney doesn't let their stupidity goad him into breaking his cover. When Charles and Henry stop beating around the bush and flat-out accuse him of being a vampire, he -- being a gentleman -- challenges Henry to a duel for the insult. The outcome of the duel will have to wait several more chapters, however, as we're left on another boring cliffhanger.

Chapter 18: In Which the Admiral Becomes the Most Interesting Character in the Book

Chapter 16: In Which Charles and Flora Tempt Fate

Previously in Varney the Vampire: We meet the Admiral, and I abandon the blog.

It's been a while since I caught up on the story. Thankfully, Chapter 16 (THE MEETING OF THE LOVERS IN THE GARDEN. -- AN AFFECTING SCENE. -- THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF SIR FRANCIS VARNEY) begins with a friendly recap:

Our readers will recollect that Flora Bannerworth had made an appointment with Charles Holland in the garden of the hall.

As he awaits their meeting, Charles angsts in the most delightfully melodramatic way:

"Shall I," he said, "sink so low in my own estimation, as well as in hers, and in that of all honourable-minded persons, as to desert her now in the hour of affliction? Dare I be so base as actually or virtually to say to her, 'Flora, when your beauty was undimmed by sorrow -- when all around you seemed life and joy, I loved you selfishly for the increased happiness which you might bestow upon me; but now the hand of misfortune presses heavily upon you -- you are not what you were, and I desert you?' Never -- never -- never!"

Even after some time away, I feel I've read enough of Varney the Vampire to adapt my taste to its style. Charles is so silly and over-the-top, and yet in context it actually kind of works. I'm really surprised that no one's adapted a B movie of Varney. (Or maybe they have and I've just missed it?) They could practically cut and paste dialogue directly from JMR's pen.

Aspiring camp horror filmmakers out there, take notice.

Anyway, after JMR pads his word count a bit by describing the plants in the garden and repeating Charles's earlier sentiments a few more times, Flora arrives. Charles proclaims her love for her while she attempts to break up with him on the grounds that she's becoming a vampire. I don't have anything in particular to quote, but the scene as a whole is actually very sweet. It's the kind of scene that makes me want to write cheesy, fluffy Flora/Charles fanfiction despite the fact that no one will read it.

The ending, though, works very hard to ruin the moment. Charles declares that he will not abandon Flora:

"Then let sorrow and misfortune shake their grisly locks in vain," he cried. "Heart to heart -- hand to hand with me, defy them."

He lifted up his arms towards Heaven as he spoke, and at the moment came such a rattling peal of thunder, that the very earth seemed to shake upon its axis.

So Flora takes the thunder as a sign from God that they've made a terrible mistake and fate will punish them, proclaiming once more that she and Charles must never be together. But suddenly, the sun shines on her face, and it's a sign that everything's okay now and they can be together!

The chapter ends in a cliffhanger as the vampire suddenly reappears, so I fully expect Flora to vascillate again between "I love you Charles" and "but we can never be together!", with little thought other than "it must be a sign!" This is not how you write conflict. It's how you give your readers whiplash.

Chapter 17: In Which Varney Never Drinks... Vine

Digression: I Shall Return

I have decided to join the 30-Day Blog Challenge to inspire myself to come back to this blog. Between work and poor health I have trouble motivating myself, but I have come to realize that I need more fun writing in my life and a reason to do it.

So, my dear readers (the one or two of you who are still around), look forward to a month of daily blog posts in June, and hopefully enough momentum to continue beyond that. In the mean time, check out my Star Wars articles at About.com, which are irrelevant to this blog except in that I also find them great fun.