Monday, January 31, 2011

Chapter 60: In Which Another (More Bizarre) Duel is Proposed

I really cannot believe how close I am to the end of Part I. I bet I can finish this by next month if I try!

When we left off last, people were being stupid (and by "people," I mean Jack and also JMR). Chapter 60 (THE INTERRUPTED BREAKFAST AT SIR FRANCIS VARNEY'S.) starts off with a sentence I really like:
Notwithstanding all Mr. Chillingworth could say to the contrary, the admiral really meant to breakfast with Sir Francis Varney.
It sets the scene succinctly, and in its succinctness it's kind of funny. As usual, JMR has to go and ruin it by stating the exact same thing in the next paragraph, except longer and more annoying.

The next bit of dialogue is some pretty typical "but is he a vampire or not?" discussion, followed by the Admiral and Chillingworth meeting Varney at his temporary new home. Which is then followed by the Admiral accusing Varney of being a vampire, some general squabbling, and the arrangement of a duel...

Wait a minute, didn't this all happen before?

Except this time the duel is supposed to be with two scythes, and
"...with these scythes we be both of us placed in the darkened room, and the door closed, and doubly locked upon us for one hour, and that then and there we do our best each to cut the other in two. If you succeed in dismembering me, you will have won the day; but I hope, from my superior agility" -- here Sir Francis jumped upon his chair, and sat upon the back of it -- "to get the better of you."

It's like someone started writing a parody of the first two-thirds of the chapters in Part I. But come to think of it, I might rather read that book.


  1. Hey, just wanted to say, I accidentally found myself reading Varney a few weeks ago. I couldn't figure out how in the world this book was so long... and then the Kindle version apparently doesn't even have the whole text! It ends about halfway through. So I started researching to find out more, and was horrified at the idea that there's another 3 weeks of reading this trash ahead of me (I can't bear to not finish reading something I started... Dr. Zhivago is the only thing I deliberately didn't finish).

    In any event...

    Your blog is absolutely hilarious, and I commend you for the effort.


  2. Ha, thanks! I'm working on a Kindle edition that has all of the illustrations, as none of the electronic editions I've seen so far do, but I am so far away from scanning them all.